It will get better.

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It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.
It will get better.

I whisper to myself as I lie curled up on the bed. There are no fights going on in the house. There is no painful circumstance that i find myself in. There is nothing that should be causing me sadness or anxiety.
yet
in my mind, everything is disintegrating. my life is a mess, nothing will ever be alright. i will never succeed, and worst of all, nobody will care.

in my mind, every fear of mine has realized, every boggart of mine has crept out of the closet, is taking up shape, and is creeping towards me with every passing moment.

there are several people i could talk to, but very few that would make me feel better.
every light in my house is on and the temperature is perfect, but my heart is sinking lower and lower into the endless pit of darkness. there is an inner me that is shaking with terror, surrounded by faceless monsters about to engulf her.

and there is absolutely no escape.
still, i repeat to myself,
it will get better
it will get better
it will get better
it will get better

with every consecutive utterance, my voice lowers, as if it isn't making a difference...
my voice lowers and lowers and lowers, until it is barely audible.

but i'm still reciting it, and it will only be silenced when i fall asleep.

i will wake up the next day, with the sun shining brightly outside and birds chirping; the house filled with chattering of beloved family members, and still my heart seems shattered inside me. i get off the bed and i can feel my heart sinking
only thing is
it is higher than the day before. 


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